WW - Day 59 The reality of my rear

You know how when you're feeling good you sort of assume that vibe is part and parcel of your appearance, too? I just looked at some photos taken of myself last week and I am really... sad. I'm feeling like I look much better than I did at the end of May (which is still a truth), and yet these pictures are evidence of the enormous work that still lies ahead.

I am so glad I don't have eyes in the back of my head so I don't have to look at that butt all day. Ugh.

FOOD: Just fine. Maybe low on water intake this evening.

MOOD: Feeling like I've been making a fool of myself these last few weeks for being so vocally upbeat and happy. I need to burrow into the exercise and not come out until... March? I know this isn't really true, but those pictures truly took the wind out of my sails. If I look like that now, what the heck did I look like 23 pounds ago? Double-ugh. I just want to hide.

The difference now is that I will not bury my head in a bag of chips to numb my frustration.

Not a good day for the self-esteem, I guess. And this is the part that truly needs healing. I can diet and exercise my way back to some semblance of a former body, and my success soothes the wounded parts that won't forgive myself for getting heavy in the first place -- but not completely. The resentment for allowing myself to fail myself is STILL THERE. And I can't imagine a time when I will ever forget that I did this to myself. Bag by bag. Box by box.

Getting back will be a righteous victory, but there is much spiritual healing to be done.